This was a very informal essay I wrote for a philosophy class in college. My professor thankfully had the same sarcastic sense of humor.

If America was ever guilty of just one crime, it’d be hubris. Walk down the street of Anytown, USA and I bet that you will not be able to take two steps without seeing the good ol’ red, white, and blue. Every other car has a “Proud To Be an American” or “God Bless America” sticker on its bumper, and even places of business are sure to present their nationalistic views via a sign or window display. That being said, ask anyone you meet on this walk why they support this country, and my guess is that most of them will reply that they take pride in the “fact” that this is the most free nation in the world – a utopian society in which all men (and women) are created equal. How much fiction, however, remains in this “fact”? The Constitution guarantees all citizens the right to “life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness,” an almost cliché maxim that hate, discrimination, and inequality continue to hide behind. Sadly, the other guarantee I can make about your walk is that you will run into at least one person on that street that irrationally hates someone because of their sex, the color of their skin, or their sexual preference.

Being the “great melting pot” has its advantages in theory, but runs into many predicaments in its execution. A society comprising of every quality of humanity can be a grandiose one, but certainly not a stable one, considering the diversity of viewpoints and opinions contained therein. The result is a boiling over of this great pot on issues of all varieties, the most notable being civil rights. Whether it was blacks questioning the idea of “separate but equal” or women demanding suffrage, every generation of America can recall at least one horror story in the fight for what we claim to already have – freedom. A new story is being written as we speak as yet another minority is denied a fundamental but integral right – the right to be nationally recognized as a loving and legal couple.

Homosexuality has always been a fairly taboo topic, even in the country that supposedly allows people of all makes to say and do as they please. It has been written out of most history books, and just about the only well-known historical example of it that can be given is that of the Greek men taking small boys under their wings. The few things that are usually known by the general American populace about homosexuals are stereotypes. It seems we can thank the “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” boys for that one. Many people are comfortable with the image of a guy in tight women’s pants with a matching pink purse and a lisp to go with that limp wrist because it’s “funny” or “cute,” and they can be made into the comic relief for any popular primetime sitcom (thank you, “Will and Grace”).

Along with this image comes the misconception that gay relationships are fleeting and meaningless, and that nothing long-term can come from a relationship that cannot produce a child. The truth of the matter, however, is that most of them are like you and me – average looking men and women hoping to find a compatible mate. They are doing what feels natural to them, just as heterosexuals are engaging in what they find to be natural. Although science has offered us some fairly solid evidence as to why gays are attracted to their own sex, one cannot really say either way if this is what nature had originally intended. Either way, it’s certainly natural; over 450 species, nearly 200 of which are mammals, have homosexuals among their ranks. The only difference between them and us is that we’re the only ones making a federal case about it.

This hate movement is led, for the most part, by religious fundamentalists who see homosexuality as “an abomination,” although the only thing abominable is that there is actually a national day of mourning every year (November 20th) to remember the thousands murdered simply for living their lives. These religious zealots are so blinded by their beliefs that they blatantly ignore the fact that our freedom of religion also guarantees everyone freedom from other religions imposing their beliefs on your own. If one does not immediately buy into the “Well the Bible says so!” perception, they come up with all other kinds of ludicrous arguments to combat gay marriage, such as…

“The definition of marriage is a union between a man and a woman.”
This is simply an argument of semantics, attempting to define an abstract concept with dictionary definitions. Marriage is a legal term, and legalities are always up for debate and modification.

“Homosexuality is unnatural.”
So are plastics and polyester, so we should ban those too! I think Mother Nature is going to hate us a lot more for those than she would gay marriage, but that’s just a hunch.

“Gays will destroy the sanctity of marriage.”
Straight people have done a fine job stripping marriage of its meaning on their own. In a country where you can be married in 15 minutes or less by an Elvis impersonator and get divorced from your now sober lover within the same week, is it really a question of integrity anymore? Not to mention that the United States happens to have the highest divorce rate worldwide, about 40%. Ironically, the red states, who are more statistically likely to be against gay marriage, have a 27% higher divorce rate than blue states.

“Gay marriage will encourage others to be gay and homosexuality will spread.”
You know, when I hang out with ugly people, I’ve noticed that I grow far more repulsive than usual. Yet when I hang out with attractive people, I’m suddenly sexy again. Really does the trick.

“What good is a marriage that cannot produce offspring? Even with adoption, children need both a male and female role model to grow up properly.”
Well it’s a good thing we’ve outlawed old and infertile people from getting married, as well as enacted that other law that forbids single parents from raising children.

“Civil unions are basically the same thing, and most states allow those.”
Because, as we all know, separate but equal institutions are not only constitutional, but have historically protected the minority as well.

One could go on and on, but the absurdity is quite apparent the minute this convoluted reasoning is processed in the mind of any logical person. While polls have shown that about 2/3rds of the population support gay rights in this modern society, most fold when it comes to the right to marry. And when it comes to having them move in next-door, most gay couples will be greeted with the “NIMBY” mentality rather than a homemade chocolate cake. (Not In My Back Yard, for those not familiar with the standard American policy of intolerance.)

You see, we talk of modernity, advanced technology, and the progression of society in this country, yet what we’re truly proud of is tradition – archaic, irrelevant tradition. These same traditions justified slavery and the suppression of women, too, but few seem to make the obvious connection. Even our own president talks of amending the Constitution to deny thousands of people a simple freedom and more than half the population doesn’t even give it a second thought. It’s even become a commonality in our language to substitute “gay” for “bad,” as in, “This essay is gay!” And if you do believe this essay to be “gay,” then keep in mind that its author is straight. There’s no ulterior motive here. No bias is needed when it comes to fighting for equal rights, but does this make me a bad American or a good one? I guess that depends on if you’re living in today’s “land of the free” or yesterday’s patriotic façade.

Sources:

http://www.rememberingourdead.org/day/index.html
http://www.divorcereform.org/rates.html